The Quicksand Story

Our story through the quicksand of our own financial crisis

Archive for the tag “repossession”

600 Bucks Short

This time was different.  I had cars yanked 3 times before.  But every other time I had some warning.   Either it was just so far behind that it was inevitable or I saw them pull up the street and down the driveway.  I always had the time to pull my personal effects out of the car.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  It was June and since we couldn’t afford the AC on our windows were open.  I remember I lay their dreaming.  I heard the truck pull up to the driveway and back in.  I heard his truck door open and I heard him start to leave.  But I didn’t move.  I was still asleep.  It was as if I was having and “outer body experience” you know one of those mornings that you’re still asleep but you’re dreaming that you’re on stage dancing like a rock star to Sheena Easton.  Only to find have some dude chime in with the morning traffic report and you unfortunately wake up to realize you were dreaming to your clock radio.  Only problem this time is when I woke up I still herd the truck.  I jumped up out of bed only to look out the window and see the tow truck put on his yellow strobes and turn right out of our driveway with my truck on top.  I almost threw up.  I had so many things rushing though my head.  Oh my god what will my neighbors think, did they see,  what did I have inside, would they know I worked for AWD, I just got it washed, worse…I just filled it up with gas, even worse…did they see my mini-van and were they going to come back for that one later.

I jumped in the shower and was out the door in a matter of 10 minutes.  I knew that sometimes they would stage there repo’s in parking lots then grab another an tow one on the bed and one behind.  I didn’t want him to show back up and grab my mini-van too.  If I could have chosen one car for them to take it would have been the mini-van.  We have three kids and they are slobs.  They would have filled up 10 bags pulling all the stuff out of that van.  I am sure they would have stuck to a few things in there as well.  So I left Karen and the kids at home and I drove off to work and show up a little early.  Once again Karen was there to deal with something alone.  We spoke on the phone but it’s not like being there.

Later that day I called Ford.  The only way I could get the truck back was to pay it off.  I tried to just make it current.  I could have done that on Friday, I wouldn’t have had much food for a week but hey we have had less.  They wouldn’t budge.  They wanted it all or nothing.  I tried to speak to a supervisor.  They wouldn’t let me.  I couldn’t afford an attorney so I just let it go.  I gave up.  In the end I got a bill from Ford for $399.00.  The balance after the auction.  It’s just another thing to clean up.

No Matter How Much I Love My Children

My children are the light of my life.  They have in one instant change my life forever and do so again and again everyday.  I would do anything for them, but our minds play evils tricks with us.  We have been through hell and back.  We have survived our quicksand and yet I torture myself with the; What If…..

Really it is about Emily.  We chose to have Emily and I am so happy for that decision.  But, what if we had made a different decision.  Sometimes when in my darkest times I would look at her beautiful sleeping form and wonder how our life would be different, easier without her.  I gave up so much to have her.  I could work like normal if not for her.  Getting a house would have more options without her.  Because of her we need at least 3 bedrooms, yet, 2 bedroom homes are so much cheaper…..School is so expensive and we haven’t started saving for college yet.  Usually at this point I am crying because I love her so much that even the thought of life without her is physically painful.

If we never had Emily I would not have the giggles when the three of them are goofing around.  We would never have the flowers picked by her from the yard.  We would never have the little pink shoe hanging from our Garage door to remind us of how stinky her feet would get after wearing Crocs.  I never could understand how such a compact, cute, bubbly little girl could have such smelly feet.

After following this line of thought and having a good cry, it is at this time that I know that we are on this path for a reason; to help others.  I am not alone in having these feelings.  I am not alone in knowing that I would trade everything again for her, it still doesn’t make it easy to swallow.  It helps to know I am not alone.

Choices and Changes

When our choices impact our family’s future we are forced to look within ourselves and find a way out of our own mess. Society doesn’t let upward mobility happen easily. I had fallen from millionaire to pauper. Try renting a house when you have a bankruptcy, foreclosures, repossessions, tax liens and evictions on your credit report. The reality is that it doesn’t matter if you can pay the rent today and tomorrow. You are the number not a person and that culture needs to change.Bad things happen to good people and good people make bad choices.

My mistake during the years of financial meltdown was that I didn’t change fast enough. I made poor financial decisions because I couldn’t or didn’t want to see we were out of money. In 2002 Karen and I spent a month on vacation to the tune of $20,000. When we returned we had trouble paying the bill and it was then that I should have recognized something was different. I’m not sure it was denial at first, but rather the inability to recognize what was changing.

If I had recognized change I would have made different decisions for my family. We would never have sold the house in Milford or bought and leased new cars. I spend a lot of time thinking about how if I had buckled down at that time how different our lives would be today. There were a lot of opportunities that I couldn’t see while we were in the middle of it. I chose not to see opportunity to change and instead unwittingly chose to live in denial.

Pit of Doom

I want people to know that just because you make some mistakes you are not a bad person.  Bankruptcy, foreclosure, repossession, eviction are not things that make you a bad person.  Bad things happen to good people.  Don’t judge yourself by the events that happen in your life.  Learn from them.  Take the lessons and make yourself stronger and smarter, and don’t give into the negativity.  By participating in the negativity you will only make it worse.  Some of the best time you can spend is to learn to change your mind set.

Negativity is like a pit of doom that can be very difficult to get out of and it can be the very definition of hell.

Everyone has their version of a Quicksand Story.

 

 

 

 

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