The Quicksand Story

Our story through the quicksand of our own financial crisis

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Life begins to crumble

I think about where this all started and I can vividly remember one event….

We were living in Trumbull at the time.  Emily was not born yet and we were struggling every month to pay our $3600 mortgage.  It was always a battle to figure out where the money would come from to pay it.  This particular month we had the money in the account and the check had been sent.  It was such a good and bad feeling.  I felt a sense of freedom that it was paid for another month, but, I can remember thinking that this was probably going to be the last time we were going to be able to pay it.  I was bothered by that and was quite depression about it.

I remember fighting with Paul.  He would say to me why can’t you just enjoy what you have right here and now.  You are making yourself miserable…  I would say I just want to pay my bills.  I am not looking for anything more.  Why can’t we downsize and just pay the bills.  This repeated fight was a big issue for us at the time.

Well the next day. He goes to work and comes home in a wonderful mood.  A better mood than I had seen him in in months.

I said,” What did you do today you’re in a good mood?”

He said,” I went shopping.”

“Oh” I said,” what did you get?”  I thinking he would say a shirt, a pair of pants something for the boys….

“Some clothing, a couple of suits, some shirts.”

I sat down heavily and asked,”So you cot a check today?”

“No” he said,”We had the money in the account and we paid the mortgage a few days ago, so I thought I would take the extra money and buy some suits at Mitchells.”

I was shocked… I couldn’t speak because I was choking.  I felt like I was lost at sea and sinking. I felt abandoned and betrayed.  I couldn’t breath but managed to ask how much he spent.  He very happily and easily replied $3000.

“We had the money…”  I began to cry.

He asked, “Why are you crying now?”

I asked, ” Was the mortgage check taken out of the account by the bank?”

He said,”No why?”  And then he realized what he had done.  He spent our mortgage money on suits at Mitchells.  He spent our mortgage on clothing for himself.  How could he be so selfish and shallow.  So idiotic.

At that point I felt myself sinking down into a pit of despair.   I began to sink into quicksand that would take us almost 6 years to get out of.

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Abandonment

For two years there was no communication.  For two years I was alone in a marriage that was in trouble.  For two years I thought about leaving one way or another.  I never considered myself a weak person but those two years made me feel it, which made it even worse to bear.  The only thing keeping me going was the children.  Through it all was the financial meltdown we were in.  We would have creditors show up and I would not know what to say.  They would call all the time.  Citibank called every day, 7, 8 and sometimes 9 times a day, 7 days a week.  I told them they were harassing me and they said that they were allowed to because we owed them money.

At that time there was no help for us because there were no programs to help people in our situation.  It is a lot different now.  My stock answer was Paul is dealing with it and I don’t know what he’s doing with it.  You need to talk to him.  No I don’t know when he will be home.  No he isn’t home right not and I can’t reach him by cell phone.  I’ll tell him you were here when he gets home.

I remember there was this one mom that had been asking to get her son together with us for a play date.  I invited her over to play for awhile.  She wasn’t there for more than a half an hour when the sheriff showed up to serve us lawsuit papers.  I was so embarrassed I wanted to just run away up the street.  I felt like a worm about to become smashed under a shoe.  Slime.

I shrugged off the event with as much dignity as I could and lied to the woman saying, “Trucking, it happens all the time.  Someone is always trying to get money from you.”  I quickly stashed the paperwork out of site and tried to go on as if it were not uncommon.  On the inside I felt abandoned.

Paul went out again to “go and see a customer.” I at this time began to understand that that meant that he was going to get lost for a few hours.  He must get a call when these people are coming and just run and hide.  It always seems to go down when he is MIA.  I was happily exchanging pleasant conversation while on the inside I am broiling mad that I have to deal with this again.  How could he abandon me this way!!!

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